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Tony Randall's Top Ten List

Top Ten List Presented by Tony Randall on The Late Show with David Letterman - June 18th, 1998

Top Ten Good Things About Being A 78-Year Old Father

10. So what if he cries all night -- I can't hear a damn thing.
9. If your son also has a child at 78, you'll become the world's first 156-year-old grandfather.
8. Skeptical young women invite you to prove that you're really capable of fathering a child.
7. No need for expensive toys once baby discovers the fun tufts of hair growing out of your ears.
6. Viagra, shimagra -- Everything's in working order, Pepe.
5. You get a great feeling of togetherness sharing a dish of strained peas.
4. To you, every step is his first, because you can't remember the one before.
3. You can make a lovely crib mobile with the envelopes from your Social Security checks.
2. Three magic words for when you're sick of bouncing the baby on your knee: "Oh my hip."
1. He's going to be a great role model for his eight younger siblings.